When you realize you have done harm to another and, in doing so, you can see some of the depth of their hurt and pain, you naturally want to connect and apologize. This is a natural reaction from your heart. When you feel this, you may experience a lot of layers of your conditioning: the fear of being perceived as weak, the fear of confessing and not being right, the fear of losing power and control, and so many worries that arise from the heart movement to amend. All of this usually happens at a superficial level where the mind-ego struggles with being exposed so that the false identities might be caught and seen.

There is a much deeper aspect that you should always connect with before contacting another person, which is why you are reaching out. Sometimes, you feel so guilty about what happened that you want to connect with the other, ask for forgiveness, and receive absolution. You want the other to set you free. In this action, you are pressing the other, disregarding how they feel about what happened—simply asking for forgiveness to feel better about yourself.

This moment of asking for forgiveness is a moment of true surrender to consequence, of hearing the other more than being heard, of accepting the other’s unwillingness to forgive and respecting their experience. It is a moment of being willing to offer your presence for the betterment of the relationship, of offering selflessness in that moment.

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